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Iapos;m going to Mickeyapos;s Not So Scary Halloween Party tonight with a group of princesses (including myself as Snow White).

I donapos;t feel like a princess at all. This is a total mistake. D:

I mean, Iapos;m sure Iapos;ll have fun, but Iapos;m gonna look like an ass and omg why did I even buy this costume *self haaate*

Just..... Sigh.

But, yeah. Gotta catch the bus to DHS so I can meet my friends at Caribbean Beach. So.... Wingapo? (Which I know is out of context, but stfu, itapos;s Poca, Iapos;m allowed. XD)
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demolishions

Well well. After 6 months of not even thinking about lj, Ive finally come to update this thing once more. It all started, because I had completely forgotten about updating this thing, and my life has just been really busy lately, that I havent found a good time to sit back, and write. Anyhow, I am not going to write anything else, for your own and others safety. Its late at nighht, and I dont really know what Iapos;m bloody on about, so, Iapos;ll just end it here, before I make really bad things happened, and yeah well. This things just all bla, and random. Anyway, Iapos;m off to be normal, and get some sleep, so I dont end up doing, or saying, any more stupid things than I already am doing/saying.
Cheerapos;s, James.

PS.
I promise Iapos;ll update this thing, within the next few weeks, or maybe even sooner.

PPS.
Iapos;m going to fuck off now, and be normal. Catcha all laters.

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Didnapos;t have time to finish this post this yesterday.
Still feeling like a hollow shell covered in raw meat this morning.
10-17-08. Met with my attorney this afternoon. We went over in more detail what will happen at the hearing on the 27th. Itapos;s nothing more than an interrogation. Truly the thing is needless, bureaucratic bullshit. Iapos;m not a medical person and unqualified to give a medical opinion on what ails me yet the upshot of the hearing is that I answer questions, under oath, related to symptoms of ptsd� and depression which are my official diagnoses. In the process i get a bit more traumatized.

(Letapos;s pull on the scabs, stick pins in it, and count the scars to see if itapos;s faking. Does it have enough scabs? Does it startle? Does it flinch? Can we make it cry? We need to see if itapos;s lying or we might lose some money)

WTF no one in their right mind would ever want to be on disability and the medical opinions of several doctors; mdapos;s and phdapos;s, just aint good enough.� Yet when I started this process, my word, that I was disabled, wasnapos;t good enough. I had to have the official word of the medical profession. But now that isnapos;t good enough. And now the issue hinges on my word.
On Monday the 27th of October at high noon
I am exhibit apos;Aapos;

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I am worn out.. Its been a good 10 months of working and my last public holiday was in May. I feel like i have no more energy and i live my days on a day to day basis. I am counting down to my first ever holiday in Dec. I cant be bothered with much. I even lost interest to go to town on my rest days and weekends to take a walk. SJB thinks i am suffering from fatigue. She might be right...
i just want to sit in bed on days when I am not working and go onto youtube and watch movies and video clips...that could make me laugh. I have lost interest in things that i used to find joy in doing. Frankly, i do believe i looked worse than i sound...

But SJB, thanks for being there.. Thanks for always keeping me in check. Thanks for always showing so much care and concern for me.. And making sure i am well. I wont know what to do if i dont have you around I will be ok.. Its really just nearing the time of the year where everything seems monotonous and a long good getaway would be ideal and i am definitely counting down to that.

and my brown cow - jojo, thanks for the msn chat.. U brought a smile back to my face and its always good to hear from you... Always so even after so many years

after so many years, i have learn to treasure those who treasure u...



*3 cheers to you and you who cares and love unconditionally*

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best western olympic inn

DAY 1.

dream. Is nothing but a lie. It is just other world that people create so as to cheat and lie to themselves. Once you woke up. You still have to face the real world. And whats the best part. Dream is always the opposite of what is going to happen in the real world. Thats why. Stop dreaming people. And you will feel better.

getting more and more tired as i burn each day. Felt so lost. Things just turn better or maybe it is�just my wishful thoughts. Maybe things didnt change at all. I used to look forward to every evening. Every sunset. But now. I felt so heavy. So useless. Nothing i do can change anything i guess.

all i hope for is that when i am down. I can get to see your smile. I dont care who is with you. Where are you. I just want to be at somewhere where i can see you smile. And maybe your laughter too. Why cant things just be the same? you sitting in front of me. Irritating me. And at times scold me. Bite me. Why must everything turn out to be this way. I just want to wipe your tears for you when you cry. Smile along with you when you smile. Thats all. Is it difficult?

girl. You are the only one that can really make me smile. And for many time when i really hope to get to see you. I didnt. I really miss you. And i hate myself for that. I am such a weakling. As much as i want to cast you out of my memories. I will always remember what i told you.

you: "give up lar. That girl also dont know you like her yet. It is still early to get out of this."
me: "nope. I am going to wait. I want to get married wit her ah."
you: "siao ah you"
me: "and i�aim to get married at the age of 23. HAHA."
you: "so you going to wait for her for like...4 YEARS?"
me: "yup. Why not? she is the one. HAHA."
you: "hais. Dont know what to say."

do you know at that moment. I was dying to tell you. Just say "I�DO". Haha. I know it will never happen. But i really dont mind waiting. I love you.
�

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I fucking locked my keys in my car.
So, Keys in car.� Spare keys: 30+ miles away back home.
Parents: at work (10 miles away from home)
And it was starting out as such an awesome day.� I had to clean the funeral home, but my boss put on some music in there for me to listen to while I work.� Who keeps a Nine Inch Nails CD with funeral music�CDs?� My boss apparently.� He thinks he jinxed himself by cleaning up the funeral home.� An elderly person in town has has taken a turn for the worst.� He is convinced she will die tonight because of us fixing up the funeral home.
But I realized I locked my keys in my car after I ordered my delicious lunch that I was going to pick up.




NO FUCKING�WAY.�

I went down into the workshop just trying to see if anything could be used to�break into my car.

Turns� out, we have a ton of odd little tools that work just fine.
It was surprisingly easy to break into my sisterapos;s buick.
NOTE�TO�SELF:�Donapos;t buy buicks, there are easy to break into.
�

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No sleep. 4am and will probably not sleep at all.

i feel really used.� i feel like the biggest sucker.

iapos;m done writing in this LJ.�iapos;m no longer writing my feelings.� iapos;m censoring how i feel in order not to offend anyone. I made this thing so i basically could spill my guts and then read it in a couple days and try to become a better person from it. But now iapos;m not even writing anything. Iapos;ve probably written 4entries tonight, and deleted all of them.

maybe iapos;ll keep my feelings and opinions to myself. E

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Sometimes i hear myself saying something my mind just boggles at what has just flown out of my mouth.. Usually itapos;s due to the absence of any brain-mouth filter. Other times....
today was my motherapos;s 70th birthday so�i was at�home for the big event. After dinner, my niece -�whoapos;ll be two next week i might add - wanted a biscuit. So i dutifully gave her one while didactically informing her that "biscuit comes from the french to cook twice... Bis-cuire". In a pauline moment i�realise that iapos;m turning into steve carrell in little miss sunshine. She looks at me blankly, says "bi-cuth", then smiles beatifically.

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elie kedourie nationalism

Hello friends. I just checked the computer, and Iapos;m bugginapos; I missed the little chat. I have been on surfthechannel.com for over 24 hours, watching Desperate Housewives (from the beginning) You guys should check it out, they have thousands of shows :]

Anyway, itapos;s too cold and rainy to go to school. Iapos;d rather watch TV and smoke pot all day :]

Oh yeah, and check out my new tee:


ANDDD, last but not least, me with some Storm Troopers:


Itapos;s only 11 AM and Iapos;m high as hell.........again. I love it
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